Author Archive

27 Jan
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

Hey Athletes, Juno, DreamChasers, and SnowBoarders….         

“Hey Bernsie!  My name is Charlie and I have 13 year old boy.  He’s a great kid and he is into sports so I think it’s time to talk to him about the birds and the bees.  I know I was confused about things in my day.  How do I approach this?” Signed Concerned Parent.

Charlie you seem nice so I will tell it to you straight…Your soon has a laptop and an iPhone at 13.  Not only does he know about the Birds and the Bees and he knows about sex.  If you have a yearning for the days of old go watch reruns of Fred Savage in The Wonder Years.   Todays teen knows so it’s your job to help navigate their thought process.  He still has questions but he knows what it is.  Good Luck Charlie.

Hey Bernsie!  My name is Stella and I a well educated, successful woman living in the Back Bay.  I’ve been dating a lot recently and seem to only be attracted to bad boys that treat me badly and are no good to me.  Why is that and how do I stop this trend? ” Signed Stella

When I struggle for answers I turn to Rap music.  Drake said it best, “Know Your Worth!”   You have to have a value system   Know what your worth and who you should be with.  Stop dating boys and hang out with men.  You attract what you put out.  Don’t get me wrong Stella,  some gives do the same thing.  Those shows on Bravo like Real Basketball Wives….yeah those girls married all those guys because they are beautiful on the inside.  Highly successful in the Back Bay?!  Het Bobby Rowley can you Shovel your way out of the North End?

“Hey Bernsie!  It’s Dolly Parton and I love Crossfit.  I’ve got a mini problem… all the guys at my gym stare when I do double unders.  What do I do?” signed Country Star Dolly Parton Chris Daly! Monica!  This column has crossed over into Country.

Hey Dolly, honestly some guys never grew out of being a teen so just ignore those folks. keep doing what you do and work on fitness.  I will say if things get out of control I will use a country music song…”You’ve got to know when to hold em.”

Hey Bernsie!  I have a crush on a classmate from the gym.  We take class at the same time and I am thinking more and more that I am going to ask her out.  What do I?” Signed John Doe from the gym.

Ohhhh Boy the Crossfit Crush.  Here s the deal Friend Ship is the Best Ship ( Hi Jam).  Become friends first and see what happens from there.  If that nice guy, sappy, sentimental stuff doesn’t work act like a boss and take her  expensive dinner at Abe & Louie s.

Hey Bernsie!  It’s Clueless SWF and I met a new guy recently.  He is good to me, financially stable, but there is one problem…I’m unsure of how old he is?  He told me was a little north of 50 but I think he’s a little older.  Do I bother to ask?” signed your favorite Clueless SWF. A little north of 50?!

His favorite show is Matlock , when you go out for coffee he orders prune juice, all his khakis have pleats including the khakis shorts, and that habit he has really might be for Cataracts.  truth is he might be embarrassed about the age difference but if he cares about you that’s all you need.  Enjoy each date for what it is and you guys will get a discount for Movies and Denny’s.  Live It Up

Hey Bernsie!  Is anyone looking to publish your column?” Signed loyal reader.

Honestly I’ve been trying to get published in Grantland.com so if anyone in publishing knows Bill Simmons let me know.  I ll write for anyone right now, Huffington Post, BuzzFeed (10 Crossfitters Who Don’t Eat Paleo), High Times (Hey Angelo you left your magazine in the locker room), Improper Bostonian.   I also need help with another project.  I am looking to make a short film about ReebokCrossfitBackbay   Its a small project so if you have any interested email me at bern@reebokcrossfitbackbay.com   -Bern K. Prince

 

 

21 Jan
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

“If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?’ But… the good Samaritan reversed the question: ‘If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?”

-Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Hey Bernsie! I have been dating a new girl for about 2 months and I really like her but there is one issue….She doesn’t have the nicest toes.   I don’t how to bring this up without ruining the potential of an awesome relationship.  What do I do?” signed Frankie The Foot Guy.

Ahhhhhh we are starting off 2015 with the Agony of DeFeet!  Here’s the deal what makes a good magician is that they make you look to the left while they pull out a quarter out of your left ear.  Distract her, buy her Flowers, Chocolates, Lotions, and a $100 gift card to the best nail and Pedicure place in the city.  Channel in your inner David Blaine Bruh.

“Hey Bernsie! I have a huge crush on one of my coworkers and I think the feeling is mutual.  I don’t want to make it awkward at the workplace but I don’t think I can no longer suppress my feelings.  what do I do?” Johnny from the Mailroom

Workplace romance is always tricky.  7 billion people on planet earth and we always gravitate towards co workers. If you coworker makes more money than you do date them immediately.  I know its seems shallow but hear me out…you land a VP or a CEO than you can’t get yourself out of the mail room.   In the famous words of George Jefferson You’ll Be Moving On Up!

“Hey Bernsie! It’s Angelo.  I wanted to know where you get all your Tshirts?  I wanted some new shirts to work out in.  Thanks bud.”

Angelo!   Who are you fooling? I have known you for a year and You never wear a shirt. Next question

Hey Bernsie!   The Oscars are soon.  Are there any films that you think deserve an award?”  Signed Michelle The Movie Buff

There are a couple of Films that went under the radar (partly because they went straight to DVD) that star some of the people from our very own gym.  The first film is 50 Shades of Gains starring our very own Justin Wright.  its about a Crossfit Coach and his vast appetite for……….Gains!  The Second Movie stars one of our members Mike Gilbert.  He walks around the city in a Rogue Tshirt, armed with a bow and arrow, and a Boston accent.  The movie is called The Boston Snipah.    The third movie is one of my old projects.  I’m sure some of you have heard about this already.  It’s starring me, Bern K. Prince, that gives up his Fitness career to pursue Ballet and Ballet dancers.  It’s called The Black Swan Part 2

 

 

On to serious matters, our next Friday social will be Friday February 6th.  More Details to come.  One of members, Jacky Goode is running The Boston Marathon  Click here to read her story

 

 

 

 

10 Dec
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

“Sometimes life gets so big and heavy it seems like you wake up everyday in a fog.  It’s your job to find a light and a way to navigate through that fog.”

-Trent Dilfer

 

 

Hey Bernsie! I am going home to my family for the holidays and I am trying to figure out the best way to come out of the closet to my family.  What do I do?” signed Charlie.

Lefty loosey, righty tighty, dude get the heck out of that closet.  You might miss your flight.  If you are worried about telling your family you are gay don’t fret.  Your family and friends will always love and accept you for who you are.  You’ll be fine.  Happy Holidays Charlie.

Hey Bernsie! My name is Cornelius, a 62 year old HedgeFund Manager.  I have been involved with a 26 year old woman for about 3 months and she is now pressuring me to get married but I fear she only wants to get married for financial reasons.  What should be my best course of action?” signed Cornelius Richards VII

Look up Golddigger on urbandictionary.com because that’s what she is.  C’mon Cornelius, she told you she’s a dancer,  I checked the Boston Ballet roster, known of the dancers are named Bubbles.  Listen if you put a ring on her left hand be sure to put a pen in her right hand and make her sign a prenup.

“Hey Bernsie!  What do you call a porcupine with no quills?” -signed a Bad Joke Teller

Pointless!  Haha that’s actually one of my favorites.

“Hey Bernsie! It’s Clueless SWF, and I am writing to tell you I met a new guy on Match.  We have gone on 3 nice dates but the past few nights he has sent me some very graphic picture messages. What should I do?”

It’s proper manners when someone texts you, you text back.  (That reminds me, Dawn Leaness you owe me a text)   If he crossed the line you have to lay down the law and it make clear that you are uncomfortable but if you are comfortable….When in Rome.

 

-Bern K. Prince

Fitness Professional

Columnist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

04 Dec
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

Hey Athletes, Visionaries, and Biliebers…….

 

 

“Hey Bernsie! I work with a person in my office with a strong case of BBO (Bad Body Odor).  They are very nice but its distracting from work.  What do I do?” signed Matt from the small cubicle office.

Fight Fire with Fire.  Freshman year my college roommate didn’t smell that awesome so I do any laundry for 6 weeks.  Don’t shower, bath, or use any  deodorant for a week.  Then you become the smelly guy which forces your coworker to open up dialogue about odor.  It’s not the healthiest thing to do but sometimes you have to fight dirty.

 

Hey Bernsie! Is it true that Crossfit makes your butt bigger?  I don’t want my butt to get to big.” signed Kim Kardashian.

Yes your butt will get bigger doing Crossfit and that’s a great thing Kim.  Your backside has broken hearts and made you millions so please please start doing Crossfit.  Heck do it twice a day.

“Hey Bernsie! It’s me Clueless SWF, after numerous swipes and sites I finally met a really nice guy on Tinder.  He took me to a nice Italian restaurant, he paid for dinner, and he was a complete gentleman.  We are going to hang out at his place tonight for our 2nd date so my plan is to consummate the relationship and after tell him I love him!  What do you think??  Romantic, right?”

Oh Boy!  This a family friendly column so i have to keep this PG.  First off I’m sure he would love to consummate the date but something tells me the only words you should use tonight that begin with letter L are lasagna and lingerie.  If things don’t work out for you and this guy, I’ve got a coworker….Hey Chris Daly! She likes Italian food!

-Bern K. Prince

Fitness Professional

 

27 Nov
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

 

 

05 Nov
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

après (aprā′; Fr ȧ pre)

after: often used in hyphenated compounds: an après-ski party

 

 

Hey Bernsie!  It’s Clueless SWF writing again.  I met a new guy on Tinder and I really like him but there’s one slight problem…every time we go to dinner I have to pay.  I guess he has all his money tied up in a Start Up?!  He swears he will pay me back so I don’t complain.  His profile says he likes puppies so I know he’s a keeper.  What do I do?” Signed Clueless SWF.

Ohhhh Clueless SWF, your my favorite.  Give the guy one more chance but if it doesn’t work out for you and the Donald Trump of the dating world I’ve got friend named Dave Finn.  You can buy him dinner instead.

 

Hey Bernsie! I heard a rumor that Ben Affleck owned your gym?  Is it true? If it is tell Ben I loved all his movies including Reindeer Games.” signed Gone Girl.

Ben Affleck?!  No the handsome guy in the office that owns the gym, his name is Josh Plosker.  Reindeer games is an awful movie by the way.

‘Hey Bernsie! Is it rue that you hung out with Mark Wahlberg and and Mila Kunis for an entire night?” Signed Erin Boyer.

What’s up EB.   Yes it’s true.  I was in line for the premiere of the movie TED, when I was pulled out of line by an member of security and brought straight to VIP.  Apparently they thought I was the famous comedian Kevin Hart.  3 hours I think Mila was suspicious so I went to my go to joke….What do you call a computer that sings….A-DELL!    Mark Wahlberg laughed so hard he spit his Vodka all over The Funky Bunch.  After that we hung, out, popped bottles, and did what A list celebrities do.

-Bern K. Prince

 

 

These videos are from one of my favorite movies and is not to be seen in front of children or anyone that is sensitive to content.  You have been warned….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

30 Oct

“You don’t have to start off great but you have to start in order to be great.”

-Damien Woody

 

Hey Athletes…..

The letters have been pouring in so I know the public needs my help.

Hey Bernise!  How come no one has been able to catch the Lochness Monster?” signed Niles from London.

Gilbert, I have gone international! That’s an easy answer, it’s because he’s a Monster.  Isn’t the Lochess Monster like 11,000 pounds. If you want a pet get a dog, if you want to see a monster come to 7pm and watch John Brown lift, either way eat some tea and crumpets and listen to the new U2 album.  It’s free on the cloud.

  “Hey Bernsie!  I met this amazing guy on Tinder, we hung out once but since then he only texts me after midnight.  I try calling him during the day but he never picks up.  You think he ‘s still interested?” signed clueless SWF.

Oh he’s interested! I can’t go into detail because this a professional column but if things don’t work out with Prince Charming’s Tinder profile I ve got a friend named Dan Smith.

Hey Bernsie! Who are the 5 greatest rappers of all time?” signed Cecyl.

What’s going on Cecyl!  That’s another easy one. The 5 greatest rappers are Dylan! Dylan! Dylan! Dylan! Dylan!

 

-Bern K. Prince

 

 

 

 

This video is just mean to be funny.  If you take offense easily or you are around children please don’t watch

27 Oct
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

“Speak only if it improves upon the silence”  Gandi

 

Hey Athletes…..

We have decided to open up the blog to the public.  I am here to answer all of your berning questions (Hey AJ, see what I just did there).  All you have to do is sent me an email with the title Hey Bernsie!.   Here are a few examples of some of the letters I have already recieved…..

Hey Bernsie! lately my knee aches when I squat.  What am I doing wrong?” signed Miley

Well Miley when you squat you are supposed to drive your knees out.  From what I see from twerking they knees come in.  Try squatting the right way and stop hanging out with Robin Thicke even tho Blurred Lines still makes me tap my foot when I hear it.

 

Hey Bernsie! How do I cure a hangover?” Signed 7th year in college and not getting a PhD.

Well I don’t have a time machine or a DeLorean but I would start with the night before.  Just because the song Shots comes on doesn’t mean you have to do shots.  Put down the Bud Lights and pick up a book.

“Hey Bernsie! What does Justin do with his hair to make it look so amazing?” Signed Angelo Gala.

Angelo! Just ask Justin at the next staff meeting.  I don’t have all the answers but his hair is magnificent.

If you need help or just someone to talk to about anything please feel free to email me.  It would be selfish of me to keep all this wisdom to myself….What’s that…We’ve got one more question….

Hey Bernsie! What’s the Comp WOD this Friday?” signed Austin Reed

 

The WOD for Friday Oct 31 at 7pm is….

Nightmare On Columbus Ave

9 Minute AMRAP
3 Power Cleans
3 Hang Squat Cleans
3 Thrusters
30 Double-Unders

– Men 135#
– Women 95#

*All 9 Barbell movements must be unbroken
*3 burpee penalty is assigned if the complex is broken

-Bern K. Prince

CEO of Crossfit Red Planet

Author of Hey Bernsie!

Full Time Fitness Professional

10 Oct

“Wake up every day with an intensity unknown to mankind.”

-Jim Harbaugh

 

Hey Athletes, Visionaries, Socialites, and Paleo eaters……

Due to an awesome response we have extended the hours of The KettleBall . The Ball starts at 6pm at 209 Columbus Ave of October 17th.  Here are all the details….

  • Paleo treats will be provided by one our awesome members Kenzie aka Cave Girl in the City who balance food, fashion and everything in between.  Click here to read what she has to offer.
  • WoodChuck will provide  cans of Hard Cider.
  • Bacardi is providing 3 different kinds of high volume liquor.
  • Titos is providing cases of Vodka
  • Coach Justin will be tending bar all night.  He accepts cash for tips.
  • Classes will still be going on so for those who want to take class you can still come by
  • You can bring guests so please RSVP either through Facebook or email at bern@reebokcrossfitbackbay.com
  • Proper dress required

The after party Venue has been confirmed.  The after party will at Tico on 222 Berkeley Street Boston, MA 02116 at 9:30.  We will be leaving the gym at 9:30pm sharp (That’s right Drew).  We are asking people to arrive as early as possible and we will go straight to Tico after for more fun and festivities.

-Bern K. Prince

 

 

 

 

08 Oct
by: Published in Apres Crossfit, WODs

Hey Athletes,

 

 

On Friday October 17th for the Kettle Ball some of our sponsors will be Tito’s Vodka, WoodChuck Hard Cider, and a few different Liqueurs from Bacardi.  Serving all these drinks will be celebrity bartender Justin Wright (There’s more to Justin than cool hair and Barbells)!  He will be making some of his signature cocktails for everyone to sample. Bring cash please and not for the drinks but to tip Justin.  You are allowed to bring a guest,multiple guests, friends, family, fellow crossfitters, future crossfitters, and even your cousin twice removed  as long as they dress well.  We are asking people to RSVP thru Facebook (FJ keep killing it on social media) or email me at bern@reebokcrossfitbackbay.com that you are coming.  We need to know roughly how many people are coming per example Jane Doe + 1 RSVP for the Kettle Ball will do.

This Friday night, Steve from Snap Top Market will be by night classes at Columbus Ave from 5pm to 8pm with food and samples from his store.  I know a lot of people are doing well with the Paleo challenge this month and Snap Top Market is a small store on Columbus Ave with fresh produce, veggies, and meats perfect to help keep you on track.

-Bern K. Prince

Both these videos are for comedy purposes only….you have been warned…..

 

 

 

 

 

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